Shore Thing

I’m going to ignore a few vital factors about the human race and offer an incredibly idealistic and simplistic piece of advice that could save all of mankind in one fell swoop… If you don’t like something, don’t watch it.

Every man and his pooch in Australia is ranting and raving about The Shire. It’s vulgar and scripted ‘reality’ TV that is offensive to the eyes and ears. “They’re not real people” they say. “Their behavior is appalling” apparently. “It is so unbelievable” but not in a good way, it seems.

But you know what, peeps? This shit isn’t new. There are literally (well maybe not literally) hundreds of man-made scripted shows on the telly that have been peddled out under the reality banner.

You’ve got your Hills, City’s, Smashin-Kardashian’s, Laguna Beaches, Real Housewives of unreal moneys, TOWIE’s and of course, our very own Lara Bingle Saves The World… So this scripted reality TV lark isn’t new ground by any means.

And you’re not likely to get an argument from me about this whole phenomena (are we calling it a phenomena?), because it is often an indefensible fight. However, I am certainly guilty of finding pleasure between the walls of the perma-tans and fake smiles. That’s right, I’m talking Shore. Geordie Shore, to be exact.

There is nothing, on paper, that should appeal to me about this show. Nine Geordie (North-East of Englandites, specifically from Newcastle) lads’n’lasses piled together into one big glamorous share house with free booze and food and about a million cameras following them around on their day’s adventures. By adventures, I mean them getting as drunk as possible every single day and trying to bang. Their words, not mine. Although they’d say ‘on the lash’ or ‘get mortal’ rather than drunk, as is the vernacular.

And I absolutely love it. I cannot get enough of this show. Well, I can, but for the basis of this argument I can’t. It is painfully entertaining simply because of how much I know I should hate it but don’t. I spend ages laughing away, or cringing away, watching these young’uns shagging and chucking like no one’s business. I can understand that it’s not for everyone but it apparently is for me. Who knew? There must really be something about heavily muscled stooges who talk with their arms and loose lipped girls who talk like heavily muscled stooges who talk with their arms that appeals to me, and maybe that’s okay…

So I guess the point of what I’m saying is this. I like Geordie Shore. Against my better judgment and basically ignoring everything I thought I knew about myself. However, in liking this means that I watch it. But I don’t like The Hills or The Pauly D Project and I haven’t even seen The Shire. But do you know what? I think I’m better off living my life without them than spending all my time being outraged. What’s that? Am I Gandhi? Probably. Now let’s all get some dinnor, heed b’ak to my hoos n ‘ave a mint night, ay.’

Clayton (RRH)

One Response to Shore Thing

  1. Fartis says:

    These shows are so spastic and this Geordie crap looks like even more bullshit and makes me feel bad because I can’t afford a holiday to Mexico.

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